It's been such a hectic week. Loads of quizes coming up, and i feel like im suffocating.

Anyway, im officially 19 years old on the 27th of Oct. Still sweet nineteen. Im still a teenager. Haha. But i also agreed with yong sheng that im also old already. Imagine, next year i will be celebrating my 20th birthday. 20! I dont want to break 20! I want to stay young.

Received quite a few pressies this year, but im still waiting for the one that my clique has yet to give me. Haha, from what i understand, it's still waiting to be imported from taiwan into singapore. Shall wait then. I love receiving presents :)

Many people asked me how i celebrated my birthday. The answer i gave is basically the same, "Like that lo, nothing special." When i thought it would be special so much so im looking forward to it, it didnt turn out the way i had expected. I wouldnt say im disappointed, but i thought at least there's a surprise. A simple dinner and a stayover would sum it all. But, i still do enjoyed myself. Anyway, this is how my last birthday before i bade goodbye to being a teenager turned out to be.

Countdown to exams. Normally at this point of time i should be very familiar with my stuffs and furiously doing ten year series or past year exam papers over and over again to revise back and then familiarise myself with the concepts, but it's different now. With only 14 days to the start of the first paper, im still struggling to get my way out of all the tons of formulas and concepts. I have my own aims and i would want to ace as many subjects as possible. And im still trying my very best to work towards it!

Had a prepared speech yesterday during effective communication tutorial. Was feeling damn uptight and nervous i almost freaked out. If i could i would give out a loud shout, but i cant. Kept telling jiahe im very scared, and i will forget my content even though i have my cue cards with me to back up. Then he kept on reassuring me that it will be alright. I gave a speech on "When is the right time to have sex?", and when i said it, i could see some of my tutorial mates' expression. But, i still managed to complete my speech steadily and calmly, like what jiahe said. Even asked me how i managed to look so calm when im actually very nervous inside. Actually, i dont know how i did that either. Only thing i knew is that i had to look confident. To my surprise, i actually got an A+! Felt so happy for the achievement. But when i got all so excited and told someone about my achievement, he didnt really think too much of it, and even gave me the comment that im just very lucky. And it suddenly reminded me of another incident when i told him i got an A for my written speech, all he said was that he could do it as well too. It got me saddened for quite a while, as i was expecting some praises for my good work, but i got used to it the second time it happened. Sometimes, i would rather hear some nice words than crude remarks. At least, it gives me the motivation and spurs me on.

Wish me luck for my exams. I hope i can do well.. :)

~When you love someone~

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your handphone from that special someone, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

You kept telling yourself, "That special someone is just a friend.", but you realise that you cannot avoid the special attention given to that person. At that moment, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

When you find yourself constantly thinking about her every night, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for that call. At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this, if someone appears in your mind, you are in love with that person.


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Once upon a time, there was a teacher and the student lay down under a big tree near the big grass area. Then suddenly, the student asked the teacher,

Student: Teacher, im confused how we find our soul mate. Can you please help me?

Teacher: (Silent for a while, then he answered) Well, it's a pretty hard and easy question.

Student: What do you mean?

Teacher: Look over there, there are a lot of grass there. Why dont you walk across but please, never walk back. Just walk on. On the way, try to find a beautiful grass and picked it up. Then give it to me. But, just one.

Student: Well, ok. (Walked to the grass field)

A few minutes later...

Student: Im back.

Teacher: I dont see any beautiful grass on your hand.

Student: I found a few beatiful ones, but i thought i would find a better one, so i didnt pick it up. But i didnt realise that im already at the end of the field, and i hadnt pick any because i wasnt allowed to walk back.

What is the message?
*Grass : people around you
*Beautiful grass : people who attract you
*Grass field : time

**In looking for your special soul mate, do not always compare and hope that there will be better ones. By doing so, you will only waste your lifetime and chances because "Time never goes back, so accept who he/she is."**

Would you give up 10 friends for the girl you love?

I realised my blog is going to turn mouldy so i better blog some stuffs.

Had a shopping spree with my best shopping mate jiahui last saturday. As usual, she was late. But, i was still very happy that we met up, because it has been a long long long long time since we ever met up for shopping and updating each other on the latest news. The moment we met up, we just kept blabbering nonstop. That goes to say how much we missed each other. Shopped till drop at orchard - our favourite hangout place ever since jc times, and we have not even finished shopping.

Then met up with jerrand and rik for drinking session at The Balcony. At first, i felt kinda weird that rik is joining us, because he has nothing in common to talk to with the 3 of us. Light bulb. But, it still turned out well. And i think he was the most talkative one that night. Amazed by how he can click with people whom he has just known.

Anyway, i felt so guilty last weekend. Basically i just wasted my weekend away. Because i really do not feel like mugging. I think studying shouldnt be just mugging alone. Im not having fun in what i study. I dont enjoy it. And i have to constantly force myself to do it. I want to have fun! I want my life back! I dont want studying to dominate me. Im going to find a cca which i like and then have fun.

I dont like the feeling of losing. That's why im so determined in whatever i do. Call me stubborn or what, but i have my way of doing things. No one can dictate me, unless i want to. I know my way of doing things may not be the best way, but i felt more secured doing it my way.

There are actually 3 sides of me. The first side is the one that most people will perceive me as. The second side will only be seen my people who is close to me, or who has observed me closely. As for the last side, it is a hidden part of me, and so far no one has seen this side of me.

Sometimes, i felt that im not up to it. It's like that person is so high up, and im only there. It puts stress on me, and makes me feel that im not suitable. And i thought it should be like this, but somehow it didnt turn out to be what it should be. And i always try to do something, but the effort is not being reciprocated. And it always leads to the question of whether it is really worth it.

School. Uni life. I wonder how much longer i can hold on. Almost broke down these few days.. there are just too much work and lots of concepts to understand. And the thing is the amount of concepts that we dont understand just keeps on piling up because there isnt much time for us to go through them. On top of that, there's this lab formal report that we are supposed to do. Now no one is there to help me, and i have to face this bravely myself.

Fumin, i miss u. I wish you were there for me, at least i can complain to you and then call you in the middle of the night to ask you maths or science questions.

I was reading fumin's blog, and i realised i miss those times in aj too.. Shall also blog about what i miss.

- Coming to sch very early in the morning and seeing weejia walking in that forever slow pace.
- Sitting down at the parade square with weijing and weejia and crapping bout' lame stuffs, then observing people as they walked past.
- Secretly looking at iceman.
- Dozing off in lectures, especially maths.
- Fumin's mentos to wake us up, and we would pinch each other to keep awake.
- Salt's high-pitched voice, and her way of calling my name.
- Mr Ng's constant knocking on the board with his marker.
- Daljit's pink "shou tao" outfit which made me and fumin laughed for a good whole 2 hrs, and her "Alright okay.", plus her constant nagging at us to read the newspapers.
- Mr Sanuse's 2+6 own time own target
- William chua's pouch, and not forgetting his packet of coffee every morning. PLUS his sunglasses. Haha
- Chinese lectures.. where every thurs, me and fumin will go into the lecture hall early to play with the mike. Imitate the lecturers' actions and then singing out loud.
- Not listening to chinese lectures, because it was total crap.
- Always packing our things to go for break even before the lecturer had finished teaching.
- When the bell rang, and the 3 girls behind would be gone. (Tw, Kl and Krys)
- DJ's way of sleeping in lectures, then me and fumin will be laughing at him from behind. And fumin will kick his chair to wake him up.
- Weejia drawing and writing weird things on our lecture notes.
- Seok Hwee's cold jokes.
- Mugging outside LT.
- Kboxing with usual clique.

There are lots and lots of things i miss..

Getting very emotional.. there are some things i dont wish to say. I would rather keep it inside me, because i know no one would understand. Perhaps as time pass by, i would learn to like it. I hope i dont make the wrong decision once i have decided on it.

Anyway, i just heard a shocking news from my mum. It made me wonder what has become to girls now. Modern girls. They dont cherish themselves.. and they dont think of the consequences..

Shall end here. :)

Ppl are rushing me to update my blog.. But the thing is my time is really tight. I have tons and tons of tutorials, and many notes to read, because i think im still quite behind. Esp physics. Physics really sucks. I hate it. Kind of regret studying engineering, cause' it's all physics concepts. Cant stand it, but i have to endure. 4 years!! Besides that, "somebody" is taking up most of my time too, and i have to set aside some time for... Haha.

Yesterday had an aj clique outing to bugis. Everybody felt so happy and excited when we saw each other.. It really feels good to be able to get down together and talk about stuffs.. and updating each other on things in school. Seems like everyone has changed in one way or another. And as usual, the 5 of us were laughing and talking as loud as usual, like nobody's business. After the bitching around session, we went shopping at bugis village. And they made me wear dress. Dress! Then i will be like busy covering up some parts that are censored. In the end i was the "big winner", cause' i spent the most money. Got labelled "HOT" by them, simply because the skirt i bought was short, - which i dont think so. Then seok kept on telling me that i have changed, and im jiahan no.2, because i wore hot shorts. Hot is not the word for me la. Haha, i will puke.

Anyway, weijing already saw and knew who is "somebody" already. And i still cant believe she actually thinks "somebody" is not bad.

This is for jerrand. BOY, dont so tiko leh. Everytime look for hotties. Then want to sit near that cutie. HAHAHA!

Im broke. Im broke. Im broke. And yet "somebody" kept telling everyone im rich, which is an obvious lie. Lolz.

Missing in action for about 2 weeks. That's because school officially started last week and there's been a lot of things i have to do. I do not really understand what the lecturers are talking about, and i had to go home to read up on my notes and then get stuck for hours for my tutorial. Sometimes even to the extent of crying. But the lucky thing is, after some good rest, answers started popping up in my head. Esp for physics - which is like my worst subject.



Im known to be a computer idiot. And my brother always get fed up with me because i kept making his lap hang. Then he had to fix it. Lolz. And plus, im new to computing course. Imagine. Me! Computers! My head will explode one day. Or rather the keyboard may break into two..



Lots of things happened recently. And i realised every since i went into NTU, i am always seen hanging out with guys. So much so im like being labelled a scandalous girl. Haha.. It's not my fault. It's just the course im in, or maybe im too high most of the time.

Lots of notes to read. Lots of work to do. And not enough time. Imagine.. school has only started like barely 2 weeks and im already studying till 2am in the morning, and got to wake up at 6 to go for lectures the next morning.

Dont really feel like blogging. Im feeling stressed now. :(

It's night time now. And for the whole day, i wasnt exactly in the best of mood. Terrible would be the best word to describe how i feel right now, at this very moment. And the worst thing is i do not know the reason either. I guess i just feel down.

I was pondering over something on the mrt and i realised perhaps i had made the wrong decision in the first place. Because everything went wrong. If i had not done it, i may not feel that way right now. Even to the extent of hatred. It was a decision gone wrong.

Sometimes, i wonder about the true characters and personalities of the friends around me. Are they real, or not. It's tiring, having to guess their thoughts. They may seem simple and sweet on the outside, but you never know what's inside them. Corrupted thoughts. I try my very best to think and believe that my friends are nice, that they are true. But the fact is, some are actually not. Yet, i still do choose to believe them, although i know they are lying. Because i supposed im one who treasure friendships too, and believe it or not, i give in too easily. I thought about it for quite a long time, and im still not sure if i should just give up or continue to play along.

Like what i said, my mood wasnt there. And so when i went to teach my P2 boy for tuition just now, i guess i was a little too harsh. And i felt so guilty, because he was so kind and sweet to give me a kit kat chocolate he got for his chinese test in school, yet i gave him that attitude.