♥ Thy Lady

Life in school hasn't been really great these while.. Most of the time during lectures im usually with one of my ex-tut mate and her friends or with weijing. But during break times i became a loner. Roamed around the school, and kept on asking him if he's free so i can join him. So much so i felt like im a nuisance. It's really hard to find a clique, especially one whom i can relate and talk heartily to. Engineering really sucks.

With regards to my relationship, with which almost everyone has been asking me about, even my ex-tut mate.. hasn't been really smooth-sailing. Lots of problems surfaced underneath the "quite sweet" impression which most people thought we are. In fact, we aren't. This seems more like a challenge game rather than a relationship. We don't want to lose. We dont say utter sweet nothings to each other because we didnt want our partner to know that we are weak or we miss them. We would wait and see who call each other first. We flaunt to each other which guy/girl we are close to, just to make our partner jealous. During quarrels, either side would not give in, and as a girl, because of the smaller ego that we have compared to guys, we always have to give in even if it's not our fault. We dont celebrate special occasions together, not even valentine's day this year..

We aren't in love. Sacrifices - he's still not ready. Restricting - he's restricting himself not to like me too much, for fear that the same thing would happen to him again. It's unfair for me. Priority - I absolutely have no say in that. Im always on the on-call list.. there's no fixed time set aside for me. Surprises - None, except for cooking for me. Care & concern - he's not showing it; ego. Friends - In the presence of his friends, i will always be suan-ed by him. We dont hold hands like we usually do, even on taxis. The bus incident with his friend.. was a hurtful one.

I really really really do put in a lot of effort.. I daresay the sacrifices i made are big - so much so it has already had a big impact on my life..

It's different now compared to last time.. The attitude, and everything. Sometimes, i wished, we were just friends. Then i wouldnt be in such a torture right now.

I guess, im getting tired of this.. I dont want it to be a game. I would rather admit defeat..

Where do i really stand?

All i wish for, is someone who truly cares for me, and a healthy, normal relationship..