♥ Thy Lady

Im in school right now - free because i have just finised my life science quiz, and bored because im alone for 2.5 hrs. Nothing to be special about, since that is always how my normal daily life in ntu works. Either i have friends to have lunch with me, or im by myself.

Wasn't feeling great for the past one week. Feeling very very down, and emotional. Mainly because of work stuffs..

I would just lock myself in my room, and reflect. Then cry. What more can i do..? School life isnt as great as i thought it would be. Sometimes, i have even thought of transferring school to a private uni. At least i can choose what i like to do and study. Here, im very restricted. And studying seems to be more like a chore than an interest. I lost all motivation to study. I used to care so much about grades, but where am i now? It doesnt matter to me anymore.

I cant see my future. I ponder about how my future will be like, with a degree, i absolutely hate. I cant work towards my future, because i have no aim. Not that i do not want to set an aim, but i cant, because it's not what i want.

Someone told me that im inactive in school and that i dont know what i want. The truth is, i know. I know exactly what i want. I want to be active, surrounded by friends too. Thing is, it's the middle of a new sem, and it's hard for me to just join in like that. So, that means i can only start in Year 2. I know what i want to be in future. I have great ambitions too. It's just that, i dont say it out.

After all the things that i have encountered, it left me thinking with a question in mind.. - Do you believe in retribution? That what you do unto others will befall on you - sooner, or later. For one thing, i believe. Because i think, im starting to experience it.. No matter how hard i try, it just didnt turn out the way it is.

Perhaps, it was my fault.

That's how life is..