Yes. I went to school today, because of you.

I went to school last weekend, because of you.

I dont mind the waiting.

Alot of things i dont mind.

I know your reasons. And in case you do not know, i understand.

But, i dont wish to explain anymore.

My fault. Lets just blame everything on me.

Is there no other way to solve it?

Is it going to continue like this, as long as it takes?

I saw an abstract in the newspaper today. It goes something like that - "I try to make my son feel special. I try to make him see that everything i do is for him. When i had to make a choice between taking a day's leave to send him to school on his first day or between going to work, i chose him. When i had to make a choice between socializing with my friends or spending time with him, i chose him. All i want is just to make him feel special, and that he is important to me. I will also allocate certain days just for him, to bring him out spending time with him. In this way, on the other days where im not spending time with him, he understands it and keeps to his own promises. All these that i have done for him, is the main reason why we have such a special bond."

How i wish, i could feel special too..

I have so many things to say and explain. But im too tired to say it over and over again.. Im not demanding, seriously. I dont mind not going out with you on dates anymore. I dont mind not having you with my during my breaks anymore. I dont mind not having lunch with you anymore. I dont mind waiting long hours for you anymore. I dont mind you not having time to talk to me on the phone anymore. I dont mind you not listening to my problems anymore. I dont mind you accusing me anymore. I dont mind you blowing your temper at me anymore. Everything and everything, i dont mind anymore. All i want, is just a word of concern from you..

Im tired of all these for now.

I have nothing to argue now..

Im not going to be demanding anymore, if this is how you think of me, and want of me.

Well, you won. And you should be happy, that finally, you are able to make a girl feel so miserable and bad about herself, instead of the other way round.

I must have been the foolishnest girl on earth.

Im in school right now - free because i have just finised my life science quiz, and bored because im alone for 2.5 hrs. Nothing to be special about, since that is always how my normal daily life in ntu works. Either i have friends to have lunch with me, or im by myself.

Wasn't feeling great for the past one week. Feeling very very down, and emotional. Mainly because of work stuffs..

I would just lock myself in my room, and reflect. Then cry. What more can i do..? School life isnt as great as i thought it would be. Sometimes, i have even thought of transferring school to a private uni. At least i can choose what i like to do and study. Here, im very restricted. And studying seems to be more like a chore than an interest. I lost all motivation to study. I used to care so much about grades, but where am i now? It doesnt matter to me anymore.

I cant see my future. I ponder about how my future will be like, with a degree, i absolutely hate. I cant work towards my future, because i have no aim. Not that i do not want to set an aim, but i cant, because it's not what i want.

Someone told me that im inactive in school and that i dont know what i want. The truth is, i know. I know exactly what i want. I want to be active, surrounded by friends too. Thing is, it's the middle of a new sem, and it's hard for me to just join in like that. So, that means i can only start in Year 2. I know what i want to be in future. I have great ambitions too. It's just that, i dont say it out.

After all the things that i have encountered, it left me thinking with a question in mind.. - Do you believe in retribution? That what you do unto others will befall on you - sooner, or later. For one thing, i believe. Because i think, im starting to experience it.. No matter how hard i try, it just didnt turn out the way it is.

Perhaps, it was my fault.

That's how life is..

Unspoken words.

Faded memories.

Unfeeling exchange of stares.

Cold heart.

Have i done wrongly?

I tried my best to do whatever i can so that i can turn out to be the best, but.. was i wrong?

Have i really changed?

The exact words kept ringing in my head.

Was it my fault?

Im sorry if it was.

After things are settled, i will know what to do.

Just give me some more time.