And i have come to a decision. Something has to be given up in order for me to move on. I made a decision i might regret for the rest of my life.

It came as a sudden realisation to me that one day, somehow or another, we will change. Be it to the better or to the worse, we will change. Everyone has to go through a this challenging phase in their lives. Whether or not you chose to accept it is your own perception on how you perceive things to be.

People will change for 2 reasons. 1) When they have undergone the most challenging task/obstacle in their lives. 2) When they realised they have no more reason to continue spurring on.

The results of these two reasons of change have two extreme effects on people. One, to cause the person to be stronger and face up to the reality of the world, or two, to lose all motivation and being a little crude here, that is to waste your life away without achieving anything.

I used to resign myself to my fate, and used to blame everything else including god when i fail in something i do. Each time i do that, the more i feel that i do not belong in this universe. I wasn't contented with what i have thus far. Finally, i harbour the thought of giving up.

Then, this person came along and he forced me to grow up. I wasnt used to his mature way of thinking and i made a lot of fuss about it. Slowly, i was influenced by his way of thinking, his way of building up his network for success in the future. I thought long and hard about the type of life i want to lead. I do not want to waste my life away. I do not want to stay put with only a few good friends around me, shopping and playing when im free. If i continue that way, i will never succeed in the future. I have so much more to learn.

Sometimes, in order to succeed, it's inevitable that something has to be given up.

When everything turns into hatred.

I realised i have changed. It's scary.

And it's you. Deep down, i hate you.

It's hard being the girl behind you.
Though easy it may seem, but it requires a brand new me.
Im not used to it, neither am i accustomed to it.
And the effort is, tremendous.

Patience, is all i gave.
It doesnt comes easily, especially when it's from me.
But do you even know that i exist?

You took my presence for granted
Because of the time i gave
But have you ever,
set aside time for me in your diary?

I was aware,
of your family,studies and friends
But i have not request much,
just that you will appreciate what i have done, thus far.

It's a challenge to be with you,
with the obstacles i had to cross
and the tolerance i had to give
My endurance ever so high
Are you aware, of what you are putting me through?

I wasnt recognised
neither was i treated rightly
In front of your friends, i was nothing.
Do you care, the amount of pain i once felt.

You are afraid
And you are hiding
But, how does it feel,
to not face up to your feelings?

It's hard, to be with you.
It's hard, to like you.
It's hard to be the girl behind you.
When will you take my sorrows away?

In case my clique nag at me again, i better blog something, even if it is just pure bo liao stuffs. Hahaha, seriously my clique is really getting old and their naggings sucks. I hate nagginggggsss. BLAAA.

Shall not blog about the usual-k-box outing with clique, cause' it's been going on for years, so much so we are already siannnzzz of it. And i promised to organise some special outing the next time round.

Have been working at my current workplace for almost 1mth now.. i can only say that it's a very good experience. The environment there- alright. But the people there- Best. Jokers all around and you can never fail to laugh each day u work there. They are just like my clique ppl, funny until sometimes i just cant stop laughing. But the most important thing is, they people there have no airs about them, and they are nice. : )

But one thing i learnt over there is - In order to climb up, you have to know how to suck up to your boss. Sad, but true. You must know how to smile, and be submissive, even when you hated your boss so much you hoped he just get his ass off his seat in the office.

Got back my results last week. Worse than what i had expected. Really very demoralising and sad to see that my once-good results had been reduced to such miserable state. My mentality is the same as fumin. Shall not elaborate any further but trust me, from now on im going to really put in my best shot for engineering. I have had enough of whining about the course and losing all motivation. Whatever degree i am going to graduate with, im going to just make full use of it and give in my best shot. Life isnt going to be any worse as long as i graduate with a university degree in hand. At this down part of my life, it's time i stand up and face it.

Ok la, enough of my blog. Now you, go back and do ur things la!! So kpo, read my blog!