Christmas Day Post

Merry Christmas to all!! :)

I spent my Christmas day with dear and his family at his house this year. There was a splendid feast and that's what I have been looking forward to ever since his mum invited me for the party. Initially was kinda reluctant to go because I felt shy.. Haha but everything turned out to be just fine! I enjoyed myself really much, especially the exchanging presents part. Stupid dear, I knew all along what he was up to in his mind, and I'm right!

Anyway like I said, the food was great. There were spaghetti, ham, turkey, stewed beef, chocolate corn flakes, fruit salad which tastes like heaven and most importantly, chocolate fountain fondue! Eat until I am so happy.

However somewhere during the opening presents part, something led me to think of my unhappy memories again. I saw and felt how close their family was.. and even an outsider like me can feel the love that his parents shower to him and his sister. They are willing to give their children anything they want as long as it is useful to them. I know it's not right to compare, but I can't help it..

Then there's this another incident that left me feeling a little down. I was a little disappointed by his reply. When his sister asked him that question, all he did was to use the plate and tap gently on his sister's head. At that point of time, I wished he had given a reply, but no.. So.. who am I?

A friend.....?

It was not a great feeling to be treated this way. It's that feeling I hate. :(

An anonymous girl.

While I was having dinner with my brother and his girlfriend, we had a little quarrel over the stupid ladle thing. It led me to think that well, who is exactly the girl that is related to him by blood? Why do I feel that he treats his gf much better than he treats me? Or perhaps I should say, it's the truth. Like what I told my mum before, if we were to jump into the sea, he would have left me to die and save his gf first..

There's so much so much things to be sad about.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

God please stop giving me so much problems I can hardly take it anymore.

Same people, different treatment.

Mood: Sad

Just had a quarrel with my mum.

Me: I got something to discuss with you, but you cannot be angry.
Her: What? Must be something up to no good.
Me: Want to ask if I can buy a new phone cause' my phone has some problems already..
Her: You want to buy dont buy so expensive one, save some money for yourself.
Me: But I will have to upgrade my plan to iphone plan.
Her: UPGRADE?! How much?
Me: $36/mth.
Her: (Shouting at me) Please la you. I already paying for a lot of things already and you still want to add on to my burden. You know plus gst everything one month can make up to $40 anot?! My salary already not alot, what you want me to do!!
Me: I can make up for the additional $10 by giving $10 to you every month. If not I can pay for my own phone bill..
Her: (Shout) Your money also I give you one what! You think you alot of money is it?
Me: I got teach tuition one, I still can afford to give $10 every month what.
Her: (Shouting and ranting all the way...) @#$$YU*&*&^*&#!!

Actually I understand the plight that my family is in now.. Thats why I wanted to discuss with her before I buy the phone.. but it seems like she doesnt want to speak to me nicely..

Since young, I have always been deprived of material things as compared to my brother. He always has the latest games, handphones etc.. all bought by my parents when he was still schooling. He doesn't even have to work part-time to buy what he want. What about me.. the handphones.. crayons i used in secondary school etc, I bought them using my own money which I saved. I even remembered asking my mum why my brother do not have to use his money but I have to, and got scolded for some reason in the end. Then now, as I am still schooling I even had to teach 2 tuitions to earn my own allowance, despite my already very tight schedule in school.

I still remember once, for my Sec 4 graduation day @ some hotel.. Each student is required to pay $50 for the ticket. So thinking of lessening my mum's burden, I went home and told my mum that the ticket costs $50 and that it is v. expensive. Without listening to what I was about to say next, she scolded me and told me that she has no money. I cried after that, because I had wanted to tell her that I can pay for the ticket myself.

I am not blaming my parents. They are really good to me. I guess the reason why is because they just wanted me to learn to depend on myself. But... there's too many buts. Every family has their own problems.

Sometimes I wonder, is it because of one person's selfishness in the family that the whole family has to suffer? I do not wish to elaborate more on this... He really hasnt contribute enough to help the family more.. despite him being the son.

A sad post..

忽然间, 我对我们的未来感到茫然. 是错噩感让我从所谓的梦境醒悟到, 原来我步入了错误的途径, 一开始就注定失败. 或许我应该放手, 但..曾经经历过的风风雨雨不是说放手就能放.. 我害怕这一切会失败. 怎么办, 我是应该勇敢向着白茫茫的未来继续走, 还是果断地做出一个了断...?

I am at a lost. Show me a future.. Show me we can. Tell me and assure me that all the worries that I am having are nothing, and that we can both work it out together, will you?

Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love. And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes... you get it back and live happily ever after.

:'(

:(

:(

This Christmas..

2007: Christmas was a sad one because something big and bad happened.. :( Was invited to a party, but was only invited at almost 10p.m.. So Christmas was spent at home, watching television..

2008: Christmas was spent at Si Xuan's house.


2009: Si Xuan went overseas.. Smsed Fumin if she had any dates on Christmas but I was too late. Him.. I dont even have to ask because it's a definite nono. :( So, the only way I am spending this "joyous" occasion will be to stay at home.. Come to think of it I find myself so pathetic.

It's been years and years ever since I have spent Christmas out with anyone, and not even once with him. Because yes, family is important. Well.. I have nothing to say.

Bernard just called me for a short talk. The last time I saw him was the steamboat gathering with Marilyn and him. Asked him about SP's people and not forgetting the China girl. Seems like they were pretty impressed with her work efficiency. Damnn.

Did a nice wall paper for my clique ppl plus the 2 guys. :)

Well, I just had a minor conflict with him. Yea it's over small little things and he's still at it although I have apologised. He doesn't know what I always do after quarrelling. Does he care?

Anyway, I have just completed my Industrial Attachment 1 week ago and slacking at home is not a good way of passing time. But I can't seem to find any job in such a short period of time! Bored to death. Death. Death!

I miss SP's people.. the colleagues who worked and guided me for the past 5 months. Really really nice people! Sent my thanks to them.. :)

Suddenly I felt so old. I walked on the streets one day and realised I dont seem to be as youthful as the youngsters out there. Even an adult in the mid twenties looked and behave younger than me. Oh my, what have become of me. Is it because of my dressing, or it's just my imagination??

P.S: Fumin ahhhhh, you want to go genting with me maaaah. Free hotel lehz. Hahahaa. =P